Aye, I'm all too familiar with fantasizing about people I "shouldn't" be fantasizing about. It's tougher now, because with no porn filling in the script for me, my imagination has all kinds of freedom to write the screenplay. In fact, while I was consuming porn, I rarely imagined things. Having my imagination reawaken in the absence of porn has been, as I said, a blessing and a curse. That said, as much time as I spend fantasizing about other people or things, I now spend as much if not more fantasizing about K. Which has been a boon. But also frustrating, because for one reason or another, I doubt most of said fantasies will or could ever be fulfilled. Some, though, are very much within the realm of possibility, so there's comfort in that. Knowing there are sexual fantasies I can share and perhaps act upon with my fiance is helpful.

I've been slowly incorporating mindful awareness into my daily fantasies, and it has been helping quite a bit. First, in helping me abstain from masturbation on many occasions. But more importantly, it has actually been helping me filter who occupies my fantasies, and recognizing that's all they are. Just fantasies. In the past, I've gotten in trouble with allowing fantasies to develop into more, which helped lead to my emotional affair. Recognizing the warning signs and re-writing the script on the fly has made it much easier to discipline my thoughts, shift them towards less harmful or potentially misleading fantasies. I still have fantasies about people outside my relationship, but the ones I allow to stay are the ones that there's not even a remote chance I could ever act upon. And even those are less frequently a subject in my mind, now being replaced with "shadows" as I call them. Nameless, faceless beings who are merely tools in writing the script rather than actual people I shape my script around. Not sure if this is a good or bad idea, but if it is helping me abstain during the meantime, I'm going to take it as something good. I had no idea I missed my imagination this much, though.