You are schizoaffective, right? What more needs to be understood? I get that you do not want any meds. There are allot of things I do not want either, including meds. But I still need to deal with the situation in a realistic way in order for me to function well. enough in life. I need to deal with what is, and not what I want it to be. I sometimes hate that. This has at times proven to be difficult for me.

However, there may still be options available that will get you half way there. Maybe you can ask your doctor to taper back the meds. Then you can work on your coping strategies. Also this can alleviate some of the side-effects of your meds that you are experiencing.

Maybe in time, you can do what appears to be very difficult, if not impossible for some people with BP. This is to understand that your MI has not gone away. You have not been cured. It is very likely you will always be on some meds. Here is a thought. You need to be there for your family, and children. You cannot do this while going in and out of psychosis.

I understand that this is a personal choice, and I respect that. I will send you good thoughts, and wish you the best in this decision of yours. Either way, we will be here for you. Your are one of my favorites here. You deserve better, a life where you are functional, and find some semblance of happiness. I will pop in just to see how things are going for you.