Hey. Are you safe right now? I'm not sure who you mean by your "dude". Was it a roommate or friend that you told?

Without knowing about what experience you don't want to talk about, could I make a few suggestions? I think I have PTSD but not at all as bad as you have it. When I am bothered by memories that I can't tell people, I sometimes write them down and then either burn the paper, bury it in the yard, and once I flushed it down the toilet. I find that helps slightly with the secrets that drive me mad.

And if yountrustnyour therapist, can you talk to him about having this secret without telling him what happened, but maybe ask him dor help dealing with something you don't want to talk about. I don't know if I got this all wrong, because I am a bit out of my depth. But try to be careful with thew drugs and ease off them a bit because they may be making you feel worse. I really hope you will get some help from a professional if you possible.