Well I know your struggling with wanting to get off meds, that's a pretty constant for you.. I hope your Pdoc can lower doses and you still function well.. but honestly you seem resigned to settle for what your life is right now, Bad thoughts, wearing headphones to make it through the day and night. Spring time is usually very bad/hard on you.. You deserve a life you enjoy and can engage in, not stay in bed and hide.

You deserve better...But only you can reach for it