I'm not always like this and I'm honest with them. I'm happy right now but trying not to bother anyone that's why I have my headphones on. My bad thoughts don't bother me because they sound fun. Now tonight when I feel like hell that'll be different. I'm not a danger. I don't feel this is bad enough to call anyone plus they'll take away my happy. My pdoc isn't around until Monday anyway. I could call T but she may over react. I can't be in the hospital right now and she doesn't like my pdoc to begin with. Is a weird situation because pdoc doesn't have my notes and I'm logical even when I shouldn't be. Another pdoc told me I couldn't be BP because I can think about the consequences. I just don't give a **** about them so it's a personality disorder. Basically my first pdoc sucked and I question everything. I grew up with mental health services/hospitalization/group home being threatened if I stepped out of line. So That compounds my issue I still think anything I say will lead to hospitalization. And for someone that mistrusts everyone/thing the hospital is a scary place. I don't think I need the hospital though I'm not doing anything bad and wont for fear of hospitalization. I'm not going to reduce meds any time soon. That's not the plan.