((Bookworm)), I am sorry you are struggling with all these challenges. Yes, it could be due to your losing your mother at the tender age of 5 and never getting to see her again. That is a lot for a child to understand, they don't understand and even think it may be their fault somehow too.

It sounds like you are making an effort to be more self aware, always good IMHO. I think it would be helpful if you sat with a therapist that can help you learn ways to overcome these challenges. It sounds like that's something you really want to do, always a good sign.