I have a tough relationship with my T. I'm going to write notes to T and ask her to listen to them. She can't do anything but either talk it through or hang up. I guess she can do a wellness check. She wants to do video with me but I refuse. Even though this is going bad I can see she's trying which is making me trust her. I have to convey I'm doing better then usual and that I just starting to trust her before reading the note.

Pdoc wanted to keep my meds the same for now. She asked maybe 5 questions but my appointments are usually really fast. I blurt everything out or hand her a note if I can't talk within the first 5 min. She apologizes things have been hard makes adjustments and I leave.

The phone is difficult for me because no matter what I have my chipper/superficial conversation voice on that I use for the phone and my family. One time my husband asked how the hell my parents didn't know. I showed him how well I can hide he hugged me asked me never to do that to him again. So I have to remind myself I'm on the phone with T and she has my file. The first session was light hearted, The second was short because I didn't really want to talk/worry her. this next one is going to be intense.

I say try to write it down and blurt it out.