Good Morning Everyone,

I am on here just for advice and for talking with people who maybe in similar situations. I have my child full time, I will stay pretty non descriptive with genders, etc just for privacy. My ex has every other sunday visitation for a day visit, that takes place at the grandparents house and is supervised by the grandparents.

Over the years, the ex has taken my child twice for 7 days, and 10 days, both times the verbiage in the agreement was a little confusing so it was a loop hole. Also during those times custody was split 75/25, where now I have 100% legal and physical minus the day visit every other week. I think the times my child was kept gave me PTSD because I am terrified of doing the visitation this weekend for Easter.

For the last 3 years things have run smooth, the ex has been present at about 75% of the visits, I still send my child so they get time with the grandparents even if the mom isn't present. However the courts being closed, if for some reason my ex wouldn't return my child, I wouldn't know what to do.

While I know some of that is a legal question, and I have been in contact with a lawyer, I am here for the depression side of it. For 10 days it's all I've been able to think about. Two sundays ago it was the same I was terrified but I showed up and picked up with no issues. Things are getting scary with Covid-19 pandemic and I am not handling the stress well. There is no coparenting relationship, there is no relationship of any kind, because it is that bad. So I can't stop thinking about taking her for her visit and not being able to get her back. There have been no threats of this, it's just a fear that is in my mind and I can't get out, I can't sleep, haven't been eating, just overall worried. I am fine when around my child because i focus on parenting but when I have a minute to think my mind goes to gloom and I can't get it back in a good mind frame.

Family and friends have helped by talking and they get me into a good mind frame, and then I am alone with my thoughts and they fall apart again.

I talked with a therapists who suggested I don't send my child for the visit for safety reasons, and I just don't want to be that parent or hurt my child emotionally who even though the ex is rarely in my childs life my child still loves them to death.

Help