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Originally Posted by MsLady
Yep.. this is EXACTLY what happens.
I walked away from my family before I suspected about my mother's NDP. I instantly felt better.. stopped a drinking problem that had been an issue for just over a year. It wasn't until just before my 40th birthday I started to make sense of everything.
I didn't walk away entirely though. I chose to "limit" because, depite the circumstances, it's really hard to walk away! I consider myself quite sensitive .. often concerned about not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings or being an inconvenience, so whenever my mom was nice to me, I really struggled with thinking maybe I was wrong.
When I walked away, I was suddenly reduced to having "Paranoid Personality Disorder", seeing "only what I wanted to see". I was told I was "cold-hearted" and "mean" and that my distance was "abusive".. on and on it goes.
Everyone had an opinion (behind my back) and it was my NDP sister that made sure I knew about their low opinions of me.. although I chose not to read many of her emails.
I see these same behaviours in my partner. Surprise surprise, right? The campaign smearing began years ago.. the attention seeking, sympathy gaining behaviours. The accusations he has against me which were once concerns I addressed about him. It's the replay of scripts he now claims as his own. It's the blame game, the gaslighting, the lies and trickery.
It's a shame I fell into it again. Goes to show you how blinded one can be when abuse becomes so normal .. you no longer recognize it as a problem until it's too late.. and for me, that meant 2 children later.
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Sadly it’s very very common for abusers to act as they are victims and as they are the ones being abused. Some are quite skilled at it. Otherwise how can they keep people fooled? They have to be skilled at their games.
Heck I know someone who tried to get into domestic abuse shelter after THEY stayed in someone else’s house and assaulted owner of the house and were asked to leave. They claimed they were the ones being abused.
And abusers also like to call other people’s actions “abuse”
when it’s clearly not abusive at all, people either defend themselves or just call a spade a spade. It’s not abuse! Like that person assaulted house owner and was asked to leave. She then labeled people kicking her out as “abuse”, which really they just had to save themselves. If someone is nasty to you and you call them out on it, it is not abuse and they are not victims!
I find it disturbing that your husband involves young children in his horrible drama. I’d record him on your phone and take pictures when he goes into his tirades or raises his hands or tries to brainwash your kids . Also keep detailed documentation of everything that takes place, times, dates, events etc. It might come handy. I know you said you can’t leave right now but you have to keep documentation because the day will come when you’ll need it.
Your husband is very skilled at abuse techniques, you need to be prepared