Thanks for posting again. I was quite worried abot you. I'm glad you have a boyfriend and I hope it's a good relationship.

I understand if you don't want to acknowledge the thing even in secret. Maybe one day you will be able to. I have many secrets that I would never tell anyone. I just explain to myself that the idea that you have to talk or share your experiences is just another animal instinct or passing social convention and is not really required. Maybe when you are a bit older you will understand something you don't see yet about your experience or find a way to give yourself some distance from it.

One thing a friend suggested to me was to use a code word for something bad so you can sort of address it without mentioning the thing. I don't know if my suggestions can apply you our situation, but I hope you will find a way to be ok. You don't ever have to tell anyone. But maybe when you think about it, you might try to make it into a sort of story in which you try to understand how and why it happened and other questions you might have about the incident. Whatever it was, I'm sure it's not your fault.

I really hope you will be ok.