Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
@ MsLady
Children do NOT understand when parents treat each other badly. Often they feel bad for the parent that is being treated badly but they don't know how to talk about it. Often what they do try to do is find a way to make the unhappy parent feel happy somehow and they often do that by "I love you, I love you". It's also another way to make sure they have value to you too. |
I totally agree. When he accused me of "physical abuse" (I didn't hit him or push him.. i leaned into him to get him out.. unsuccessfully. He's 6', I'm 5'4), I get the impression he spoke with her afterwards. It was from that day on that she told me she "loves dad again" and has been telling him she loves him daily, now.
On one hand, I'm happy to hear her say so since it's a healthy and normal thing to do. On the other hand, it's crossed my mind that she's now feeling sorry for him because "mom is mean to dad". He asked me what I thought about why she's had a change of heart. He'll hug me in front of them to show her he's an affectionate dad.. but it makes me uncomfortable and I suspect she notices that, too. It's a win-win scenario for him.
Since then, he's continued with the labels and looks for her reaction. He's messing with her head, I think. Although, I was surprised last night when she told me she loved me "more than dad".. kind of worried she said it in front of him, too, because that could provoke further "discussions" from dad. Maybe I'm over thinking here but with his patterns, nothing sounds too far-fetched.
Quote:
|
When a child begins to close up an not talk it's not a good sign, they don't feel safe and they don't know how to talk about it, they are beginning to practice avoidance.
|
Yes, it's frustrating for me, too! I want to understand where she's coming from and have her feel safe with me. If he continues giving her ideas and I continue reacting to his BS, I will lose her. So at the very least, I need to stop reacting and keep reassuring her that I love her and I'm here for her.