Well don't be too hard on yourself, You think your bad? I have rispodal & Multi vitamins,Olanapine and other medication and I am still a psychopath.I get an injection every 2weeks and take medication 2x a day.I think you need a friend and someone to lean against. I use to Obsessed with Aliens and was bulmic for more than 10yrs and borderline anorexic.Iv been in care all my life from high support to low support back to high support.I use to self-harm and drink bleach,cut my arms,Overdose on laxitives and coffee..Once I was walking to the toilet and I seen my dads penis and from then on I was afaird of mens private areas(there penis) I use to have sex 3X a day with a murder who was 30yrs older than me.