Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
Thank you. I'm hoping that if I don't react and play along, they will be least impacted. I'm really afraid of what could happen without my knowledge.. the stories, the type of care, the self-centered approaches, the cutting corners, and respecting personal boundaries.
I'm kind of the rock in this family when it comes to important decisions, conscientious thinking, parenting strategies, safety planning, etc. He's said the same. He doesn't think in the same way and when trouble isn't brewing, he's pretty receptive to my ideas and strategies, and is on board. The problem is, there's no consistency from him.. even over a basic safety plan or privacy issue. What I won't know scares me.
So, like I said, if I teach them about boundaries and tools to advocate/protect themselves with, I'm hoping dad will be more on guard and careful on how he proceeds with the girls.
When it comes to the name-calling, I need a catch-phrase to teach them that it's not acceptable without escalating dad. Thoughts?
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I don’t think you can successfully teach young children that something is unacceptable if an adult routinely does it in front of them. You can’t jug a liter of vodka every day and be wasted in front of them but tell children drinking to excess is bad. It serves zero purpose
Children learn by what they see and observe. Telling them that this isn’t acceptable while you are accepting it, is very confusing for young children. At this age they don’t really learn by what you tell them, they learn by what they observe.
Sadly these repeated declaration of love and changing what she says is the sign of her being very confused and trying to build alliances with each parent as well as subconsciously trying to calm her own anxiety and discomfort. Sure you should tell her that name calling is bad but sadly it will confuse her even more. If it’s unacceptable why is it accepted in your home. That sort of things.