Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I don’t think you can successfully teach young children that something is unacceptable if an adult routinely does it in front of them. You can’t jug a liter of vodka every day and be wasted in front of them but tell children drinking to excess is bad. It serves zero purpose
Children learn by what they see and observe. Telling them that this isn’t acceptable while you are accepting it, is very confusing for young children. At this age they don’t really learn by what you tell them, they learn by what they observe.
Sadly these repeated declaration of love and changing what she says is the sign of her being very confused and trying to build alliances with each parent as well as subconsciously trying to calm her own anxiety and discomfort. Sure you should tell her that name calling is bad but sadly it will confuse her even more. If it’s unacceptable why is it accepted in your home. That sort of things.
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I hear what you're saying and you're right. That's why if I learn not to be reactive then there's no need for him to name-call. I've decided to let go of the little things, as well, and move forward without any expectations of him. I'm just buying time for now and trying different methods from my end because separating right now is not possible.
I'm trying to normalize our situation as much as I can by focussing on positive things like our beautiful daily walks, our craft hobbies, book times, etc. We also switch off with each other so I'll take our dog for walks or I'll stop off at the store. I just want to limit 'my' time with dad and when we are together as a family, I'm trying to distract everyone with fun activities.
A lot of the toxic conversations we've had has been done via text. Now I'm no longer participating in that, either. I'm hoping my efforts will rub off on everyone and keep the peace for now.
As for my daughter, you're likely bang on and it breaks my heart. She is an anxious child. That's one of my biggest concerns about leaving. It'll heighten her anxieties. She's very attached to me. It'll affect her if she's "forced" to live with dad for a week. It makes me anxious, too. They are both so little. Breaking up now will tear us apart and my littles will be living part time with the abuser. I can't stomach that.