dear dear sally,
if you are thinking about suicide then you are a threat to yourself. You need someone to help you in real llife not just on this forum. Your husband can't understand how deep the problem is yet so don't just rely on him. I believe you have to see a doctor and start taking your meds again.
Here's the thing: when you are suicidal and off meds it is less dangerous than when you are suicidal and on meds even though you need the meds. It's a complicated thing to understand. You see the meds take a few weeks to work on the depression; it doesn't cure you right away. And that's the dangerous part because most suicidal people are too depressed to act out their ideas but the ones on meds get a shot of energy from the meds that could enable them to kill themselves before meds can lift them out of depression. That's why you need a therapist to listen to you and help you hang on for those two or three weeks when your symptoms become manageable through medication.
This isn't intuitive, I know, but I hope you understand me honey. You are a precious beautiful person and your life matters to a lot of people even if you don't realize that right now.
Yes depression can come back in a few years. But depression can be managed by meds. I know the difference because the meds that help me today weren't available at the time of my diagnosis and they make a big difference in my life. Of course I would rather be healthy but there is still so much out there that is good and enjoyable to do with my limitations. If I can do one thing I wish I can open your eyes, Sally, to the possibility of a healthy and happy life with your husband and give you the incentive to work towards that as best you can. In just a few months it is really possible!
good luck.
pi