Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
He's a lot like his dad who grew up with trauma of his own. And although they were very supportive parents, I do believe his dad's past had an effect on all their children indirectly. I don't believe his dad was abusive or suffered a personality disorder.. although his jokes, too, are very dark and hurtful to others. They're a lot alike.
My partner also has MS. He's had MS throughout our entire relationship. Years before me he was a functional drug addict. He was charged with a $XXk theft. I didn't want to judge his past because he no longer was a drug addict (still to this day).. but when he shared with me his story, he was more concerned about my opinion of him. He has codependency issues (like his dad) and losing me over it was scary for him. I can't say he had any remorse over the victim, though. He said she wasn't very nice and said other negative things about her. Anyway, my point being.. I sometimes wonder if his personality issues is due to his MS (the yearly new lesions in the brain that could be altering his behaviours). But then he says he used to make his teachers cry in elementary school.. etc. So it's hard for me to think MS has anything to do with it, either.. or maybe a joint issue?
It's a puzzle I feel I need to solve in order to find peace within myself.. like I did with my NPD mother. If it can rid of my anger towards him, I can cope through whatever better..?
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Without knowing the specifics, I think crimes often suggest lack of impulse control. I don't know if MS affects the frontal lobe, but frontal lobe issues affect impulse control and I think it's associated with self awareness and empathy in animals. I often wonder if some people in my family have issues with that as well as frequently trying to figure out if they have mental illnesses.
One thing that makes me suspect frontal lobe damage is when someone claims they are not responsible for things they have done because they blame it on circumstance or the victim. An example is when they feel sure they won't shove you during a high risk activity, then they see an unpleasant insect and nearly shove you to your death to get away from the bug. Then they swear it wasn't their fault and are completely certain they won't shove you again and think you are toxic for not trusting them. They also think it's not their fault if they forget safety rules, but hold others to a higher standard.
Another person in my family with poor impulse control keeps stealing money from people that he wants to keep as friends. He never feels it is his fault because he needed the money. Any money he gets, he loses on get-rich-quick schemes and has repeated this pattern for 40+ years without learning that it always ends badly. This person will yell and hit people when he is mad and say you forced him to hit you so he is the victim. My sister copies a lot of his behaviors and thinks she is not at all like him.
So if your ex does anything similar, I might suspect a frontal lobe issues but it could also any other mental illness. If he blames people for making him yell at them or if he ever shoved you or got physical (or towered over you while yelling) I'd be really careful because they often escalate to real violence and then claim that you coerced and manipulated them into it.
Good luck. I hope you have a decent lawyer on your side.