Chronic stress most definitely would affect one's learning ability. It can impact working memory, word recall, focus.. among other things, I'm sure. Reading your story undoubtedly made a dent in your overall school performance - the academics, social skills, and desire to even participate. Do you have a learning disorder or Autism? It's hard to say. Childhood neglect and trauma can mimic one or the other, depending on its severity.

It sounds to me like there was a lot of neglect in your childhood.. a lot of secrets and unknowns you were expected to move forward from without any understanding and support.

I suspect a lot of what you're going through is more to do with trauma that manifested itself into anxiety, depression, and antisocial behaviours. It's possible your fears and trust issues have everything to do with your upbringing.

Have you asked your mother why she left you to defend yourself all those years? Did she ever test you for learning disabilities? Have you considered talking with your brother, as an adult, to understand his perspective about your childhood? Maybe about why he physically assaulted you. He may have struggled with all this, himself.

Your girlfriend was an important figure in your life and she taught you something about yourself. I'm not sure if love was a factor for either one of you, though. Maybe look into emotional hunger and see if that resonates with you.. which would be typical for a person in your situation.. at least that's my opinion.

I'm not sure it's necessary for you to find a diagnosis just yet. I think it's time to really dig into your past and finally get some answers and closures. Perhaps give your therapist a simplified version of this post, in chronological order. Peel it like an onion.

It'll take time and will be emotionally draining but at the end of it will lead you into a more positive direction. If you're able to maintain a job and keep up with your financial obligations, good for you!

You are not a waste. You are a young man with a future waiting for you. You never expected that girlfriend to come around the corner just as much as you don't know what's coming around next.

Stay strong!

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult upbringing.