Hi everybody!

Discussions with former T's agreed that I have C-PTSD. I think some asked what causes this condition? It's different from PTSD. PTSD relates to one traumatic event that causes anxiety and flashbacks related to that event.
C-PTSD is more extreme and is due to being a victim of multiple traumatic events and often by multiple abusers. Often the victim feels trapped and has nowhere to turn for help. It's a feeling of being disempowered and constantly abused which could be physical, verbal, sexual and even neglect.

I had amnesia of all the above abuses from childhood until I was aged 38. I did a program which opened the door to the subconscious mind and I was faced with a waterfall of flashbacks that engulfed my conscious mind. I am still processing a lot of these flashbacks which relate to different abusers in childhood. I think amnesia is the mind's way of protecting us from the very painful traumatic events. From what I've read when our mind thinks we're strong enough and ready, we can start to experience flashbacks. Flashbacks are often fragmented memories of the abuse which occurred. For me I see bits and pieces of the abuse by a particular person, associated with moderate to severe psychological pain as I re-experience that particular traumatic event.

I had moderate to severe chronic fatigue in the early 2000s. I use to tell people I had CFS (Chronic fatigue syndrome). I even was getting Vitamin B injections from my doctor to try to improve my energy levels. Like many said here I was constantly lethargic and felt like an old man since everything was an effort to do (even little things). But in hindsight I think the CFS was more depression related. I was so depressed that it zapped me of all energy. I was diagnosed with major depression and at times was on two anti-depressants but I was always treatment resistant to medication. Looking back now I believe the depression related to the child abuse which traumatised my mind and body.

As I started to process the trauma memories/flashbacks I started to reclaim my life and vitality. I have more energy today than I did back then. For me unpacking the trauma and processing them lessens the heaviness of the traumas in my body. Hopefully in time I will become lighter as I process and recover from my traumatic childhood.

PH