I'm coming from another perspective, a semi formal user of porn. I feel self conscious about my weight too. I've had sex with many guys, and never really orgasmed. I want to find a relationship, but I'm afraid of going back to the one night stands, not even that, I'd never stay the night (except once). I've regretted every choice.

I've had to tell lies to my family, my parents are against everything sexual that I do, including masturbation. And I live with them, and I'm 32.

Keeping secrets is hard, and doesn't help depression one bit! Don't you agree?

I'm not going to tell you to stop or to continue. I will say if you do start having sex, the current behavior could get worse! I'd be careful. Hiding more from your family is Not easy. And eventually the secret may come out in the open.

It did for me, and I felt bad, and did what I always have done submit to my parents. Even if I kinda liked the feeling of being powerful around men. Now I'm alone, and I'm not expecting to find someone to marry.

Be careful. I'm here if you want to talk.