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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Yes, it's possible that if you see a professional that can prescribe medication and diagnose you that you may be prescribed a medication that can help.
With what is going on right now with this Covid 19 and social distancing, it's not surprising you have a longing for that old girlfriend because how it felt. Allow yourself to be patient until this social distancing eases up and you can figure out a way to finally see a professional.
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When I was busy at work, time somehow kept going but you know, it's not gonna solve anything long term. Many times when I left work, I broke down, in a bus on my way to home thinking that im going back to empty space, space that had a life once..
I know I messed so many things in that relationship but I cant get over that someone gave me a chance. I never expected this in my lifetime. I actually broke down on this Friday.
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Do you have a learning disorder or Autism?
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Not that I am diagnosed with. But just by looking at autism symptoms I can relate to many of them. Not sure if it makes me autistic.
My stepfather's son has autism. He hears voices in his head, takes medications. I saw this guy maybe 3 times in my life so cant tell really much.
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Have you asked your mother why she left you to defend yourself all those years?
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After moving here to united states, I remember having dinner with her and my stepfather and, um, we had a discussion about something. It came down to me blaming her for how am I now. Like, I did acknowladge my issues and tried to find a reason why my life is this way. No friends, no interest in talking to my grandparents, poor performance in school. I feel like she doesnt want to take a blame for that, not sure if I should blame her or anyone. It has also a lot with my dad that wasnt there for me.
When she was in united states, she would come back once a year for few weeks. But still.
Our reality was back in our country that there was no future for us, job too in that small village. She was working in the office and had a side job as a English teacher.
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Did she ever test you for learning disabilities?
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Nobody did. I dont think anyone understands my problems.
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Have you considered talking with your brother, as an adult, to understand his perspective about your childhood?
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No. I dont feel like he is the type for real honest talk. He would rather joke and make fun of something. I feel like we have to stay like this pretending to be okey. As long as there is no bad blood now i guess its ok.. we wont have that bond.. and you know if he died I dont think it would touch me at all.. I remember few years ago my grand granma passed away. It didnt touch me or I didnt cry once since. Thats how disconnected I am with my family members. I really dont have a connection or bond with anyone. To say I love them. To understand love. Its just not who I am now.
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I'm not sure if love was a factor for either one of you, though.
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She is and was very loving person. She quit her job 6 months ago to take care of her grandmother. She was giving her bath, dressing her etc. She is really good person. I know she loved me, she wanted to get married. The way she expressed herself, I knew she did love me. Me however with time going back I was just getting numb I guess. I wasnt set in my mind for something bigger to come. I didnt try much to make it work. I just hoped for us to be okey...
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If you're able to maintain a job and keep up with your financial obligations, good for you!
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If I lose this job, semohow, even because if virus, I am screwed. I dont have skills to find new one, to call, to ask. I really struggle with simple things.
I remember one time before I got current job that mom found me one in car wash. I was texting with her back and fourth that I dont wanna go inside, I dont wanna talk to the people, I dont want that job. I said back then in my messages that i have issues, i need to see a doctor. She was like ok ok and nothing ever happened. Even recently after I broke down with my ex, i was texting mom while drunk why its like that, why do I fail all the time and she couldnt give good advice. I know I wont get help from her. Not unless maybe I bring a notes from a doctor saying that yes I do have a mental problems and its not a temporary problem like everyone thinks.
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You are a young man with a future waiting for you.
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I wish I could see that future. If my family disappeared now, I would be in so much trouble. I cant survive alone.