My first major exposure to meditation and related wellness strategies (i.e. breathing techniques) were total busts. It's not that they were poorly taught, I was just incapable of benefiting from them, at the time. I was manic or manic with mixed features. Perhaps others in mania somehow benefit, but to me, it was like scratching a chalkboard with fingernails. You can't imagine how many times I literally ran out of IOP/PHP/hospital group rooms, and often a nurse would be beckoned to check on me. Sometimes art therapy was similar, unless the therapist let me write, instead. They were downright triggering, at those times. Or, if I could stay in the room, I would start laughing hysterically or having anger outbursts. Obviously quite disruptive!

As my moods stabilized a bit, I did learn to appreciate some breathing techniques. Though I am yet to be able to meditate, in the traditional sense, I have made progress challenging dysfunctional thinking, using affirmations and self cheerleading, and practicing mindfulness. I still have trouble sitting still. Or if I do, I must be doing something (thinking, daydreaming, typing/writing, talking). Whenever anyone suggests trying yoga, my absolute refusal is met with bafflement or further pressuring. I've tried yoga, and it gives me the heebie-jeebies. Once I ran out of a class, and the yoga instructor ran after me demanding I explain myself. What a nightmare! I had a similar experience when taking an adult school class in Ikebana. That was interesting because I had/have no problem with regular western-style flower arranging classes, which to me give a very different feeling. Something about Ikebana seemed too much like meditation. I lasted fewer than 30 mins in the first class meeting.Yea, I'm weird! I could actually give a short lecture on "Flower arranging and me."