Yes, what you described is often what creates drug dependencies. I am sorry you were feeling so overwhelmed like that, sadly I know what that is like. I was put on Klonopin for that, and I mostly just used it at night so I could sleep. I had to function during the day handling horses and ponies and I had to be totally aware to do that.

If I get triggered, which is why I simply have to stay away from my sister, I can't even function and have pain down my arms in my back and across my chest that totally incapacitates me. If I take a Klonopin and lay down it eases up. I was told that Klonopin was not addictive by a psychiatrist years ago, I did not want anything addictive. Well he was wrong about that and I weaned myself off and yet I make sure I have it on hand for when I get so many days in a row I am in too much pain and I need a break, the Klonopin helps with that. I try very hard not to use them though.

Don't do all those drugs, not good for you and you do know that but you just got so bad you did not care I get that. Maybe it's time to make an appointment with a pdoc that can prescribe something to help you at times like this so you can get some relief. Or there may be an antidepressant that can help you with this. I heard someone say that cymbalta has been a game changer for them.

I know for myself just this past year alone has been hell for me with how horrific things with both my parent's passings. You have been having quite an emotional challenge and mostly alone with your SO for a while now. And you know the end is nearing, much emotional turmoil with that challenge, not surprising you are struggling. I was already struggling with ptsd and I was extremely concerned my condition would get even worse. Remember, you can develop ptsd from all that you have been going through Rose. So, I think it would help you to find an actual medication that can help you handle what you are clearly overwhelmed with facing.

Have you ever tried Klonopin? That may be something your regular GP can prescribe for you if you let him know what you are experiencing right now.