I'm not really sure what exactly I want to write right now, so I hope it won't be too strange. If you don't want to read about coronavirus (and I really understand that), don't read it.

Our government has closed nearly everything. One day it were schools. The other day shopping centres. Restaurants. Shops. Nobody knew what will happen the next day. Horrible times. I started to spend time in my wardrobe. I was sitting there in the dark and thinking about all the horrible things which are going to happen to me and to people. I was really convinced that I'm going to die. It was crystal clear to me, the only question was: when exactly? Will I be the only one in my family? I hope so. And if my own funeral march won't be ready in time, I want the third movement of Mahler's First Symphony to be played at my funeral, thank you very much.

My thinking become a bit strange. I needed to have a piece of crystal with me in order to protect myself, although it was kind of useless. I remember that I thought that everything is just a part of the New World Order and they want me dead. Another day, it was really important to wear a pearl necklace in order to die like a lady; it didn't seem so important the next day, but I kept wearing it for a couple of days. I planned what to wear for apocalypse. I knew that I should maybe tell my doctor, but my problems seemed totally irrelevant in comparison to real problems of the world. I cancelled our meeting which was planned.

My mood also began to be suspiciously elevated; not sure if manic but strange if added to the way I was feeling. My oncoming death started to seem nearly festive; there was kind of ritual in it. Some days I was euphoric, some days less euphoric, some days not at all. Once I was running in the forest for a while. I decided to start taking more Risperidone and to stop reading news. It seems like it helps; my strange thoughts slowly disappeared and left me thinking "what the hell?!"

But it's not easy. I feel really bothered by all the precaution - I called it "repression" and thought it's forever and the government will set up martial law soon - even now I have similar thoughts. I also kind of hate myself for being so weak that I can't bear reading news.

Just wanted to write out.