I'm feeling really lonely right now.

I'm connecting with friends the best I can -- I see people all day at work (though my effing residency program has me working at a different hospital than usual right this second, so my co-workers are practically strangers rather than trusted colleagues and friends), one of my BFFs and I have been watching TV together via Netflix Party every night, I have Zoom friend dates with people, my roommate and I have dinner together on the nights when I work. But I still feel really empty and sad and alone.

Plus my T and I are having yet another tiff. I just want him to be reassuring and comforting right now. But he thinks that I will never really feel comforted, that the problem is not just that he is unable to be comforting in the way that I want but that also I am just not capable of being comforted in the way I want... so I have to grieve the thing I want but will never have, this mythical idealized comforting. Given that this is a lifelong longing of mine, I feel like that's a lot to dump on me right now, in the middle of all this chaos.