I watched a video that said we can't numb out just one emotion. If we numb out sadness, we also numb out happiness. Though everyone I've talked to agrees that when it comes to safety, numbing out emotions can be best so you can cope now and deal with the emotions when you're in a safer place.

But I can relate to feeling happy and that happiness makes me sad. I feel that every week with L. I'm so happy to see her (I've even been remaining on video so I can see her the whole time), but when I do see her, it's like a tease. Like here she is and I can't have her. Like a carrot on the end of a stick. And on Friday sessions, I'm already sad because I know I'll have to go 5 more days until I can see her again. Even tomorrow's session will be sad. I'll have 90 minutes with her, but who knows how long it will be until I see her again. It breaks my heart. My goal is to try to stay in the moment for as long as I can, really be present, and soak up as much support as I can.