Yesterday was hard. Felt super sad in the pm; no reason, I just did. Reached out in the pm to people and nothing......Went to bed and my “beloved” came in and poked and poked until I couldn’t sleep. Then she roles over and snores soundly.

Today’s hard. Sold my favorite car because it was the adult thing to do (yeah I know first world problems) Feel crummy physically.

Right now’s hard. Still after this amount of time it’s amazing how fast and far I fall down the black hole.

I’m tired of being yelled at by my spouse who then denies she does it and then tells me I’m the one overreacting. I’m tired of finding a “parent” who has different connection wants than me. I’m tired of isolation social and otherwise, because I can’t seem to find my tribe because I’m to awkward, too quick sharing, too shy, too .......

It’s the “I hate everyone!” mode. I’m told it’ll pass and yet even after 2 years the compulsion to speed it along still happens

Rant over