I recently discovered I have BPD and all the puzzle pieces are fitting together. I definitely have quiet BPD and I've always been known as the girl who "has a new best friend every year" in high school. I think this was my way of making sure whoever my best friend was would take care of me and wouldn't abandon me, and at the slightest comment or threat to our relationship, I would cut them off.

Now, my best friend is a huge part of my life and literally feels like a part of me. However, my lack of a sense of self does is really not a good combination with the fact that she's struggling a lot too. She's been really busy babysitting every day of the quarantine, and she's told me that she's been getting so anxious lately that it leaves her in a catatonic state and she can't move. Now that she can't be there for me, I'm getting the familiar itch to cut her off. Today I gathered all the things in my room that reminded me of her; pictures, clothes, presents, and threw them in a pile under my bed. I had a intense urge to burn them, but I didn't.

How do I go on from here? She is actually neglecting me as she doesn't have time for me, but I'm at the brink and I really need her right now and she can't be there. Do I just have to fortify myself and actually learn how to be alone? I feel like my whole life that's never happened and the idea of that is just terrifying. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I should go about the situation?