Hi sqrl

I understand your point of needing to find blood relations that suffer from MI. I should've been more specific with my last comments. Depression does run rampant in my family but I think it is more 'situational' depression resulting from a specific effect, pregnancy, what have you, but not the lasting kind that has been bestowed up me. When my brother tried to take his own life, yes he was definitely depressed but also situational. He is insulin dependent diabetic with many related physical problems. He is on government medical disability as he has been unable to work for many years. He got to the point where he just couldn't take it all anymore and decided to put an end to it. He was put on ADs for awhile afterwards but is no longer on them. He is fine now, as is the rest of my immediate family. As I said though, I do have a first cousin who was diagnosed BP1 or manic depressive back in the day when he was first diagnosed. He has been in and out of institutions since his early 20's when his MI was discovered. He is now in his 50's. He lives on a govt medical disability and has had his entire life. He has never worked a day in his life. He was the only one in my family that I was aware of when mine surfaced in 2001. I say 2001, but actually I have suffered from major depression with suicidal ideation for many years, off and on. It wasn't until 2002, that my original dx of severe depression or whatever the real name of it is, keep forgetting (fried brain cells), that my dx was changed to BP2 after going through extensive written and oral testing at an institute for the mental ill by a qualified pdoc. Since then, my mom has thought back to family members that I do not know, that have displayed BP symptoms. She is assuming that they were, now knowing more about the disorder than she did before. Of course, back in her day, living in a small island community where she did, they didn't have the medical resources as we do today. She is just relating their behaviours to mine and drawing the conclusion that they must've also been BP. So, we can't really say for fact, other than my one cousin who has definitely been dx BP1. My father did display some strange behaviour, same as mine, but he would never admit to anything being wrong with him, especially in the way of any kind of MI. There is no doubt in my mind that I have received the proper dx for me. It is obvious with my many severe mood swings. Luckily now, I am on a few days ride of actually feeling pretty good, which is a rarity for me, but I'm not referring to hypomanic, moreso gasp! *normal*. Gosh, didn't think I could ever say that about myself again, but I'm like a walking time bomb at all times, not knowing when the next mood swing will take place. Unlike rebound who can feel his changing gradually, mine hit instantaneously and hit me like a ton of bricks, no warning whatsoever. Hard to cope with being depressed one moment and in the next minute hypomanic and even worse when the yo-yo effect can happen several times in one day. So, right now I'm having a breather from all the chaos and will enjoy this kind of *normalcy* which is so very rare for me as long as it lasts. My mood swings are usually triggered, even by something that is so innocent to others, but there are also times that there is no apparent reason for the abrupt change in mood. Those are more unnerving when you don't even know why you are in a completely different mood other than the fact that the fried brain cells have taken another turn on their own. God, I just realized I'm rambling and don't even know what the original topic was supposed to be or if I even addressed it.

BTW, do you think rambling and digressing are common for those dealing with MI? I've seen it so often on the boards and it has my curiousity.

So, to digress once again, when did you first discover your own MI and would you mind sharing a bit about that and how it has affected your life. If you'd rather not, no biggie, that is fine and I understand.

Ok, my rambling has gone on more than enough so I'll quit here, still not knowing if this post is remotely related to yours.

Anyway, I hope I didn't bore you or put you to sleep altogether.