For a few days now I have been unable to fall asleep until somewhere between 1-2am. It is very frustrating. I am very anxious, which causes racing thoughts, specifically obsessing over my relationship with my late husband. Trying to figure out if it could have been considered abusive or not. It certainly wasn’t what I would consider “traditionally” abusive, in that he didn’t hit me or try to control me (too much). But theres a lot that did happen that I normalized at the time and now that I’m with RS, in a respectful and open/honest relationship, I think perhaps it wasn’t normal. There is a particular serious incident that I think could now be framed as an actual assault, but again, I don’t know if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. It’s nothing I can discuss here as it would be too triggering for others.

Anyway last night I was so frustrated that after I took 100mg of trazodone and .5mg Of klonopin and was STILL AWAKE at 12:30am, that I took another 100mg Of trazodone and another 1mg of klonopin. Mistake. I passed out almost immediately, which is what I wanted, but I slept until 11am and only got up for an hour before falling back asleep until 4pm. Very, very groggy. Obviously I need to tinker with my drug intake and scale it back a bit. Or at least not take sedating meds in the middle of the night.