“I was just trying to explain myself (defend myself) over something he took offense to.”

A partnership is where two people commit to being together, working out problems together, and communicating.

A relationship with an abuser is just one mind game after another. You’re trying to explain yourself, defend yourself, communicate truth and emotions? That’s nice. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court—or at least in a future argument. The abuser is just using your raw emotional state to play mind games. You have to stop thinking that you can defend yourself: it won’t stop the endless verbal attacks against you. You have to stop thinking that explaining yourself is communicating—the abuser isn’t intersted in listening and is just picking out the bits that can be used against you. I’m sorry: I know all that sounds harsh to say. You deserve a real relationship with someone who cares about you and understands how to communicate and wants to do that. But abusers can’t have partnerships: they don’t know how. They just have controlling relationships.