Sorry for the long detailed situation...

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and have multiple children. I thought we were soulmates and she was my rock.

She ran into an ex-boyfriend from high school about a year ago. This past December she met him for lunch and to catch up. During that meeting she and him realized they was a strong connection between them (he has medical issues and so does she so definitely some connection with their situations). My wife said it was like a soulmate connection that she could not ignore. She continued to secretly meeting with him and talking to him via social apps so that I could not see what was going on. It did lead to her kissing him but that is as far as it went - I trust her on this detail.

At some point she realized this was all wrong and was working to try and close this out on her own and was having issues closing it. I discovered what was going on and called her out on it a month ago and she admitted to it all. It felt like a bomb went off in me and I reacted badly by making it all about me - my hurt and pain - and demanding that she cut off all communication if she valued our marriage. She has told me that she would be stupid to leave me and our family and she loves me very much. She was/is trying to figure out what caused these strong feelings and knows she needs therapy. She does feel that she needs to talk to this other man to figure out what is causing these feelings. I am not in favor of this as I think it will just cause more confusion - I have asked her to start therapy before she does this and ask her therapist for advice.

I am also finding that I am starting to distance myself from her as I am tired of feeling hurt. I want this thing closed out and want to move forward with our marriage but my patience is running out. She is stating she needs more time with the world situation right now. This other man does have a partner of 19+ years but not married and no children. My wife is in her mid 40's and does deal with depression and has a number of issues with her parents and childhood emotional issues and to be honest is going through a mid-life crisis.

I think this other man is just an infatuation and escape from reality and our problems. We are going to seek couples therapy and hopefully the therapist can do some individual therapy too. I will not give up on the marriage but scared I might try to protect my feelings and push her away.

Am I reacting the right way here? Any advice?