I am very sorry this is happening. Poster above summarized it nicely so I won’t repeat the same things. This is not accidental event but premeditated affair

Sadly your wife has an ongoing affair, not just emotional affair and not the one in the past, she refuses to stop an affair insisting she must continue “talking” to him to figure her feelings out. So she refuses to stop an affair. Her excuse of not stopping it is ludicrous: what’s going on the world or she needs more time? Please. Those are bogus reasons

This is completely unacceptable. I hope you aren’t having unprotected sex with her because it’s very dangerous.

She is cheating but you are afraid to push her away? And you are making it about yourself? Of course. Who else should you make it about? These two cheaters? Com’n now
I Recommend you see a therapist for yourself (you can find one online) tell them this story or even send them your entire post and see what they say.