“Can I ask you whether these relationship are satisfactory? Because it seems they are. I don’t mind if they are few. I’m not looking for a million of friends as the song says. What I’m worried about is that I screw up the good I have because of my insecurities.
Do you also look at for clues to see whether you are being welcome, even more when the friendship is becoming deeper? That when I give myself the credit to look for having doubts in regards. Other occasions I neither wonder my mind about if I can be accepted or not. I self eliminate”.

The relationships are very satisfying and I also do not want many friends mostly because it’s a difficult for me. When I developed these friendships I was very careful and would gradually open up and share one thing about myself something like a small bit of my mental health disorders or my criminal history and look for a negative reaction. With my two friends I found they did not judge and so would then take another risk and share something else. Once I find acceptance, feel comfortable and have trust I try to open up. I don’t think I could do anything like this face to face but online I can do it and when I do feel accepted I am able to put out of my head all of my self doubt. It takes me some time and risk and there have been some who don’t understand mental health issues and I try very hard to not let that make me feel like it’s me.