I want to quit therapy. My T isn't helping me find ways to address my disorders and only wants to talk about unimportant things. He cuts me off at 45min to end the session no matter what we are discussing, even if we're in the middle of something. The problem is that I need something back from him.

About 2 months ago, he asked me to bring in a journal entry I wrote where I wrote out everything and everyone I am angry about. I have a lot of anger and we were going to address this. We read some of it during session, but not all because it was 40 pages, and then he asked that I print it and bring it next time for him to read on his own. I didn't feel comfortable with him having what I had written and kept telling told him this so I didn't bring it for a few weeks. He kept pushing each time and finally said “I'm going to ask one more time that you bring it next session.” I thought he could help me work through the anger so I gave in and brought it next session and he took it home. Since then, we haven't seen each other in person because of the pandemic and have had virtual sessions. For two weeks in a row after, I asked to discuss what I had written, but he said it was too long and he hadn't read it. When I tried to discuss it with him during the third week, he basically was telling me the things I am angry about are in the past and things are different now so I need to focus on now and we never talked about my anger again.

I NEED MY JOURNAL ENTRY BACK! I wrote a lot of mean stuff about people who I love deeply and who have sacrificed so much in their lives for me and have done a lot of good things for me despite making big mistakes. I feel awful about writing it. I don't have another copy of what I wrote because I always print my journal entries and delete them from my computer. I don't feel comfortable with him having my journal entry in his possession. I need him to give it back to me. I thought I could muddle through therapy for a few weeks and then in person sessions would resume and I could get it back, but the quarantine has dragged on and now it looks like it will be two more months until there's a chance in person sessions can resume. I can't go on paying $$$ and wasting my time in these sessions, but I also can't let go of him having my journal entry with all the vile things I had written. I haven't been able to sleep through the night once since giving it to him. I'm supposed to be meeting with him again in a few days. I don't know what to do.