Hey everyone, I just have an update to what I wrote previously...
I managed to pinpoint that feeling from my dream - that mixture of rage and helplessness - as the core affect of my traumatization.

I was not able to approach it for 40 years, and yesterday and today it started making sense, it felt so familiar. I understood that it is not the feeling that I have right now, but instead, that I carry this feeling of helplessness combined with rage for as long as I can remember. I carried it with me into every situation that I faced, and it influenced my life and my decisions. I always felt threatened, and therefore anxious, as I always just wanted to get away from that feeling. In my mind, I was still overpowered and immobile, and was trying to get away from that.
I feel as if I have unlocked something really important for me...
Thank you for reading

Wish you all the best!
A.