Hey

About a month ago I was severely depressed and in hospital. After getting out I've felt much better and find it very relaxing being in lockdown and knowing I don't have to go anywhere. I'm starting to have some issues though and when they come up they're big.

Money. I have none. I feel ok if I try not to think about it, but I've got enough for a couple more weeks of food, and have some medical expenses coming up. My parents help me financially but they can't even afford to do that. Buying some food and meds this morning was kind of crushing, because it came to more than I thought it would and I just had to watch the numbers go down and know that now I don't have enough to pay to see the dr in a few weeks (not for a life-threatening reason but necessary). Unrelated to that dr's appointment, I've been having other physical issues that I'm just ignoring because there is no way I can see another dr.

Work.... I can't work under the lockdown, and my country doesn't have a stimulus check or anything like that. Because of my mental illnesses I've only managed to get casual, part time work, and can't claim any unemployment benefits. On the other hand, my work usually makes me anxious, and while I'm enjoying the time off, I'm dreading the thought of having to go back in a few weeks.

And then physically I keep feeling really unwell. At the start of lockdown I suspected I might have covid-19 (mildly) because I had a fever and cough. It's too expensive to get tested and I have avoided going out as much as possible. In the past few days I've started to feel like s*** again, getting weak and exhausted for parts of each day. My sleep is deteriorating and I think I'm having neurological symptoms that are getting worse.

I'm quite scared of falling back into a depressive episode, and I'm scared that if I sleep more during the day because of the exhaustion, it's going to turn into sleeping too much and getting depressed.