This is going to be a long post. For those of you who read the whole thing thanks, and for those who don't, still thanks.
Ok to start I got married a week before I turned 22. I had known her for 4 months, she was 19 and hot!! Unfortunately I didn't realize she was also extremely controlling, verbally abusive and just mean. I was told by everyone who heard her yelling at me through the phone the first few months that I shouldn't take that kind of abuse and should divorce her then. I stuck it out because I have issues of my own.
Fast forward 19 years, we adopted 4 kids seven years ago that are a sibling group through foster care and all the problems I had with my wife when I married her are now directed at the children, to a lesser degree thank God, but still there.
About July of last year my wife started hanging out with an old co-worker. He is 20 years older than her and she started calling him Dad, they would go to his doctor appts together and developed a close relationship to the point where they were cuddling up on the couch when my oldest daughter gets home from school.
I called her out on the emotional affair it had turned into around Nov and had back surgery in Dec which meant I was home from work to watch this affair develop. She pulled farther away from me until I blew up and kicked her out of the house and told her I wanted a divorce. I let her come back the next day and we are currently in separate rooms.
My biggest concern is that she doesn't want a divorce and she insists on still acting like we are together. She is now putting in the effort for the marriage that she hasn't done in years.
I have self esteem issues that I have denied my whole life and I am trying to stay strong in ending this marriage because I think that is the only way to overcome my own problems and grow as a person and help my kids understand that they don't have to settle for the miserable relationship I have been demonstrating for them.
So if anyone has some ideas on how to handle this situation I would be most grateful. Thanks.