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Apr 19, 2020, 04:08 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
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Welcome @dytikos
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Originally Posted by dytikos
Our relationship, however, hasn't been the healthiest for a variety of reasons. One of the biggest ones is a fetish I have. It makes me attracted to larger women, weight gain, tight clothes, and body parts that people aren't usually attracted to like stomachs, rolls, double chins, really anything of that nature.
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Is your girlfriend fulfilling this fetish? Is she an example of what you are attracted to? Or is she average and this fetish is only a part of your thoughts? How did she react when you told her? If you told her about this but she is physically not matching your fetish then I am not sure why you told her.
Physically does she fulfill this fetish for you? If so did she get upset by the way you described what you like?
Below is some info about fetishes as far as them causing distress or issues for a person. I do not know if its a disorder or not so ignore the parts where they use the term "Fetishistic disorder" if it doesnt apply to you. I do not believe all fetishes are disorders but the information below I thought was helpful.
Fetishistic disorder is an intense sexual attraction to either inanimate objects or to body parts not traditionally viewed as sexual, coupled with clinically significant distress or impairment.
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The term "fetishism" originates from the Portuguese word feitico, which means "obsessive fascination." Most individuals find particular nongenital bodily features attractive, indicating that some level of fetishism is a normal feature of human sexuality. However, fetishistic arousal may become a problem when it interferes with normal sexual or social functioning, or when sexual arousal is impossible without the fetish object.
According to the DSM-5, fetishistic disorder is characterized as a condition in which there is a persistent and repetitive use of or dependence on nonliving objects (such as undergarments or high-heeled shoes) or a highly specific focus on a body part (most often nongenital, such as feet) to reach sexual arousal. Only through use of this object, or focus on this body part, can the individual obtain sexual gratification. In earlier versions of the DSM, fetishistic disorder revolving around nongenital body parts was known as partialism; in the latest version, partialism was folded into fetishistic disorder.
Since fetishes occur in many normally developing individuals, a diagnosis of fetishistic disorder is only given if there is accompanying personal distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning as a result of the fetish. People who identify as fetishists but do not report associated clinical impairment would be considered to have a fetish but not fetishistic disorder.
Common fetish objects include undergarments, footwear, gloves, rubber articles, and leather clothing. Body parts associated with fetishistic disorder include feet, toes, and hair. It is common for the fetish to include both inanimate objects and body parts (e.g., socks and feet). For some, merely a picture of the fetish object may cause arousal, though many with a fetish prefer (or require) the actual object in order to achieve arousal. The fetishist usually holds, rubs, tastes, or smells the fetish object for sexual gratification or asks their partner to wear the object during sexual encounters.
Fetishistic disorder is a much more common occurrence in males than in females—in fact, the DSM-5 indicates that it appears almost exclusively in males.
Fetishism falls under the general category of paraphilic disorders, which refers to intense sexual attraction to any objects or people outside of genital stimulation with consenting adult partners.
Symptoms
The sexual acts of people with fetishistic disorder are characteristically focused almost exclusively on the fetish object or body part. Sexually active adults without fetishistic disorder—or adults with a specific fetish that causes them no distress—may at various times become aroused by a particular body part or an object and make it a part of their sexual interaction with another person, but not fixate on it. In many cases, a person with fetishistic disorder can only become sexually aroused and reach orgasm when the fetish is being used, often feeling intense shame or distress about their inability to become aroused using "typical" stimuli. In other instances, a sexual response may occur without the fetish, but at a diminished level, which may cause shame or relationship tension.
The diagnostic criteria for fetishistic disorder, as catalogued in the DSM-5, includes:
For a period of at least six months, the person has recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors involving nonliving objects (such as female undergarments and shoes) or a highly specific focus on nongenital body part(s).
The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause significant distress or impair social, occupational, or personal functioning.
Causes
Paraphilias such as fetishistic disorder typically have an onset during puberty, but fetishes can develop prior to adolescence. No cause for fetishistic disorder has been conclusively established.
Some theorists believe that fetishism develops from early childhood experiences, in which an object was associated with a particularly powerful form of sexual arousal or gratification. Other learning theorists focus on later childhood and adolescence and the conditioning associated with masturbation and puberty.
Behavioral learning models suggest that a child who is the victim or observer of inappropriate sexual behaviors may learn to imitate or later be reinforced for the behavior. Compensation models suggest that these individuals may be deprived of normal social sexual contacts, and thus seek gratification through less socially acceptable means.
In cases involving males, some experts have suggested that fetishistic disorder may stem from doubts about one’s own masculinity, potency, or a fear of rejection and humiliation. By using fetishistic practices to exert control over an inanimate object, the theory goes, an individual may safeguard himself from or compensate for feelings of inadequacy.
Treatment
Fetishistic fantasies are common and in many cases harmless. According to the DSM definition, they should only be treated as a disorder when they cause distress or impair a person's ability to function normally in day-to-day life.
Fetishistic disorder tends to fluctuate in intensity and frequency of urges or behavior over the course of an individual’s life. As a result, effective treatment is usually long-term. Though the DSM-5 does not specify particular treatments, successful approaches have included various forms of therapy as well as medication therapy (such as SSRI's or androgen deprivation therapy). Some prescription medications may help to decrease the compulsive thinking associated with fetishistic disorder. This allows a patient to concentrate on counseling with fewer distractions.
Increasingly, evidence suggests that combining drug therapy with cognitive behavioral therapy can be effective, although research on the outcome of these
therapies remains inconclusive.
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Fetishistic Disorder | Psychology Today
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But anyway, this part of me is extremely difficult for my girlfriend to deal with and although she has stuck with me and dealt with a lot, she's said that if I can't find a way to get rid of this fetish that she has to leave me. I understand why she feels this way as this fetish has caused a lot of tears for her and it makes her feel very bad about herself when I look at her or think about her in certain ways. Besides that, she also feels like she can't talk to me about issues that may trigger my fetish which is hard for her as well because I can't be there for her when she needs me sometimes. I don't want to hurt her anymore because of this and I would like to get rid of it for myself as well. I have to ask, is there anyway I can truly get rid of this? I can't exactly go to a sex therapist or anything, as I'm a teenager, so I've had to resort to Google for answers, and it didn't seem very promising. I don't want to keep seeing answers that say that I should accept it and find someone who accepts me because I can't do anything. I've seen enough of that and I can't accept it. I love this girl so much and I don't want to lose her to this. I will provide any other details necessary to help. Thank you.
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How To Get Rid Of A Fetish – How to Get Rid of Stuff
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