Hi;
I am a teenager dealing with constant homicidal thoughts, they are intrusive and I don't want them. Though, I cannot tell whether I enjoy them or not. They are mainly about my pets. I love animals, and I don't want to hurt them. Yet I get these awful homicidal thoughts.
They just started popping up in my head randomly and just stay there constantly making me feel awful and ruining me. I cannot tell if I enjoy them or not, but all I know is I want them gone so I don't EVER hurt anyone! I want them gone for good! I don't want to become like a serial killer or animal killer. It is scary to think that.
The problem is... I cannot tell as to whether I enjoy them or not, I don't know if I geniunely a threat to animals safety or not. I am scared to get help, but I desperately need it. A few weeks or months at a hospital or living away from the subject of my thoughts might help some. But I hate the fact i'm too young to move out or get help without my mom finding out.
What can I do?
Are these thoughts permanent, or can I get rid of them FOREVER?
What would happen if I called 911 about them?
I am scared I might hurt others, as I want to help animal rights and am a nice person. I have a temper, but don't take it out on my pets. I am very affectionate with my pets and the fact I have these thoughts is disturbing and stressful?
I wish they never popped up. They popped up as soon as I got over my pedophilia OCD thoughts. But this is different, I feel I might hurt someone, but I don't one too. I don't want to bear the wrong of ending another life.
The thoughts mess up my breathing, I cannot enjoy anything, and I just wish I could live on my own with my brother or stay in a psychiatric hospital with my computer and 3DS for awhile.
I need help and advice on what I can do to get rid of these thoughts so I don't ever hurt anyone. Please, it is awful and I hate it. I cannot tell what I am anymore, I don't want to be cursed and become a psychopath or serial killer. I got nightmares from animal abusers and serial killers before.
Please help me ASAP