Much of this strikes me as self esteem issues.

Lately, I have learned to be grateful for my husband and not worry about what is in store for the future of our marriage but to take things one day at a time. I am trying to look back less at what hurts and just recognize my emotions as they happen. When we get triggered, a lot of it can be about what happened in the past or fears about what might happen in the future. You are married so she chose you and if she is getting more emotionally involved (I don't know if she is--maybe she is just more extroverted) with others than you then she might also have fears about getting hurt if she gets to close and fully committed to the marriage. Also, remember to work toward being closer by doing things together and making plans for the future. Spending your time worrying about if you are interesting enough, etc. is ruining the moments of your beautiful life. You have a wife and children--so many people want this. Enjoy it! If you can't then perhaps seeing a psychiatrist (unless you already are) in addition to a therapist might help. Also, I have found that I few of the conversations I have had on PC--are just as good as a therapist--and they are FREE.