Hi Mathew. I can certainly understand how difficult this situation must be. I'm also sorry that your wife is either unwilling, or unable to share with you more details about her past diagnosis and symptoms.

Would your wife be at all willing to have you attend an appointment with her? If so, then maybe then you can ask the doctor questions and share details that she may not be sharing, including that she does not take the medications (as you said). If she refuses, one other option is that you can write a letter or leave a vmx for her doctor expressing your concerns and observations. The doctor would not be able to respond to you, without her permission, but at least then the doctor would have added input.

I know it's always difficult when physical concerns accompany mental health concerns. That's why it's crucial for general doctors and psychiatrists to communicate with each other.

I understand your frustration with doctors. Many share that. But there are excellent doctors in this world. They are not all bad. Ultimately, being improperly treated does no good. Not being treated at all, definitely does no good. If your wife continues to refuse treatment, then you will have to accept that reality, as difficult as it is. It's admirable that you wish to try (on your own) to help her, but don't be surprised if it seems a fruitless effort. Sometimes people with mental illness must hit some kind of "bottom" to really accept help. That's a sad reality. Another option is that if your wife seems to be a danger to herself or anyone else, that you call the police for a wellness check. Sometimes that "forced treatment" is necessary. Note, however, that occasionally mentally ill people forced into treatment have reactions (after the fact) that may not be liked. In other cases, it is a gift to all.

This may sound strange, but just as family of addicts must sometimes have interventions with their ill loved ones, so must those with a mentally ill loved one. You will have to decide how much you can take with a non treatment compliant spouse.If it becomes too much for you, then you may need to step away from her for your own good. That's something they discuss in Al-Anon. Some people don't like the concept of "tough love", but occasionally it is required. The alternative is often "enabling".

I know, as a woman with bipolar disorder, that I must ultimately help myself to be a good wife. If I had children, I'd need to try hard to be as good of a mother as possible. I am not a child. I have to assume some responsibilities in life and in relationships. Even if my treatment efforts don't yield full wellness, my efforts, themselves, count for something. No efforts?

Mathew, unless I'm overlooking it, Psych Central doesn't seem to have a forum for spouses/SOs of people with bipolar disorder, but they do have such a forum for partners of people with all mental illnesses as a whole. You may find input from people in more of your position in https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/ than you will here. Plus, it seems you are not 100% sure your wife even has bipolar disorder. Members in this forum are mostly all people WITH bipolar disorder, and not partners/spouses of people with bipolar disorder. I urge you to post there. Perhaps this post should ideally appear there, too, so you don't need to rewrite this. I don't believe I have anything more to add.

Hugs to you. Have strength!