Good news! I just got out of my therapy video session and I made a lot of progress! I used to do EMDR with her in person and she is now doing it through the video! She holds the paddles (if you don't know what I am talking about, it is light and vibration stimulation of the left and right brain) up to the screen. I follow the light with my eyes and tap on my knees for the physical stimulus. It was still pretty intense!

Anyways, I was able to realize that while my wife's most recent single guy chat incident had wounded me, I can be proud to know that I am brave enough and strong enough to know that the pain stems from my past wounds from others. I had a panic attack, but it is over now. I can begin to heal. I can become stronger. I have made alot of progress in this area. Whether she ever understands how her behavior affects me or not, whether it happens again or not, I am a good person and these wounds and scars do not define me. They only tell of what has been done to me and what I have recovered from.

I realized, too, that I was playing the incident over and over in my head and hurting myself because self-hurt is part of my past and where I am very comfortable. Now I can catch myself when I think of it and replace those thoughts with positive self-affirmation!

Thanks again everyone for opening up my eyes to see that this is a big self-esteem issue. Her behavior might be part of her own self-esteem issue.

As to the details, the last poster made, I figured that was where the questioning was headed. I have seen this conversation on PC too many times. If we all decide in our own eyes that she crossed a line or I am being too picky, what does that get us? Do I go to her and say, everyone on PC thinks you're out of line? Or if we decide I am wrong then we tell me to get over it? Everyone has their own definition of right or wrong behavior. In one culture a wink from a girl could be punishable by death. In another culture having a mistress might be the norm. Feel free to comment on this. I don't mean to be disrespectful.