Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
I'm starting to feel unwell, mentally. A bit unwell physically, as well, but that is likely linked to the mental.
I am so confused by my therapist. I'm starting to dislike the video meetings, immensely. I'm not even looking forward to the upcoming one with my psychiatrist, but I might need him now. He feels so extremely far away, and yet he is still in his office during those meetings. Literally just a long walk or short drive from me. If only I could step through the computer screen to that former dimension.
I feel the beast developing in my head, taking over me. It's an ugly mean beast. I know it and sometimes bob up above the water for breaths and mild pleas for help, but keep getting pulled under again. What's around me sometimes feels a little surreal. I need to break free. I need more mental clarity.
Yes. Something is suddenly not right. Not right. Not right. Not right. Not right. Not right. Not right. Not right.
Not right.
Is this psychological or a seizure? Have I been having many seizures lately? Some signs are there. I don't want to tell anyone about this suspicion. And I could be wrong.
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((((BirdDancer))))
I am sorry you are feeling this way. It definitely seems something is amiss. I've never known you to speak this way in the little over a year I've been around even when you've had a bit of a mood swing one way or another. I am grateful you felt you could be honest here and I think you are brave.
Even if you are wrong, and I hope that you are, it is worth being as honest as possible with your pdoc. You have the kind of relationship with him where you can be honest about how you feel and also communicate that you are unsure. He has your best interests at heart and I know he will work hard to help in whatever way he can. If video meetings are distressing, is there another form of supplemental communication such as an email that could help? Maybe you could send him something prior to your session. You articulate the situation quite well in writing.
Your intuition is very well developed and it is a wonderful gift. It seems to be speaking to you at this time. Please listen and remember you have overcome this beast many times. Have you told your husband about how you're feeling?
I'm here for you if you need anything or just want to talk. I know how getting things out through writing can be theraputic for you. We're all here to listen if you need us.
