I’m sorry you are not having the help you need.
I’m under antidepressants and I have experience at doing psychological therapy. Somehow, I think it helps. It helps to see things in a different way, not so dark. Have some hope. Find kind of balance.

I know you feel empty and hopeless. But, don’t give it up. Would you know that there are natural resources that can make work the same substances in the brain that antidepressants provide.
I know it’s not easy because it means to do things you don’t have the strength to do, like exercising, sunbathes, taking a pretty strict schedule of tasks to provide yourself healthy meals and such.
I do understand you.
Do you count at least with somebody you can talk about it or spend time with, without judging you or you are alone?