I need some help figuring this out. I'm not sure if this post is in the right forum but I'm not sure where else to put it.

I am noticing that I am just not consistent with who I am. I explained to T in session tonight that it like changing my outfit style every few months. This isn't news to him of course but it is to me.

I used to think that my various moods were directing my decisions/behaviors but I'm wondering if there is something more.

For example, I have different mood states and I know everyone does but this seems problematic to me. I may feel more feminine today and adult but then a few days later feel more childlike and vulnerable. Some days I toughen up and feel more guarded. People at work see one side of me and friends, family and strangers might see another.

Another thing is, and this happened just today, whenever I show friends or family a bunch of my growing up pictures here is what they say every time:

None of these pictures look like the same girl and they kind of laugh.

Of course they are varying degrees of age but even my husband says that almost no two pictures are the same. I'm not seeing it at all but it is bothering me that others are. Couple this with how I feel that I change internally too and I just feel lost.

Here is where it is problematic for me. During a phase of feeling more masculine, I went and joined this sport and now two months later I don't feel it anymore but can't get out of this contract that I signed.

Somehow I signed a contract that is uncharacteristic for me. I never get fooled the way I did with this and it is really bothering me. I'm usually the one seeing through all the fine print and this time I didn't even look. I was aware of signing it for sure but this completely goes against what I normally do. Could be just a mistake I guess but I don't know.

I am hoping that this is all driven by mood states and I'm not DID. I haven't really asked T, well once I kind of did ask and he said he didn't think so. It scared me so I never asked again.

This was after I admitted that a few times I told him 'stories' to try and convey frightening topics to him. Rather than just come out and say it was my I was talking about, I would say it was someone else.

I knew what I was doing though and I was just scared to be that honest and vulnerable. I needed to test his reaction first before I said it was me. It was stupid and I feel awful about it.

Does anyone else here do something similar? I know that I dissociate I've always done that. For example, I'll drive to work and zone in and out but still get there in one piece.

I may spend an afternoon while watching tv zoning out. I don't even hear my husband call my name right away. I've told T it is like being in a trance.

He never comments though. He's never used the word dissociate when I tell him stuff like that.

Can anyone help?