A friend texted recently that she felt that people in the opposite political party (narcissists) wanted to annihilate her and people who felt like she did. My reply has disappeared off the thread but I said something like I thought that they didn't want to annihilate HER but they wanted to annihilate the part of themselves that was concerned with others, because that would threaten their sense that they were the only ones who counted. I, on the other hand annihilated my concern and value for my own self because it threatened my mother and my mother's resulting valuation of me -- that I didn't count -- was more important to me, for my survival and well-being, than I myself was. When my mother looked at me with hatred and contempt, it was an either-or situation, in that moment. (It didn't happen all the time but it did sometimes and I was little and had to "choose".) Her valuation won. For narcissists I suspect it is the other way around. Although, actually, there does seem to be a little narcissist in me, too. It's just that it flip-flops between all-other or all-me, it's not very integrated -- I'm not a constant me, maybe.

This seems and feels a lot like "splitting" to me. It's definitely not conscious and not anything that I could control or consciously gain much access to and even my conscious trying to get in touch with whatever was going on has been very laborious, over many years.

Also is related to object constancy, I guess.

There ought to be a way for therapists to help with this, I would think. But since they haven't found it yet, then it seems like it is up to is to try to do something about it if we can. And then, maybe, pass along any tips and successes stories, if we have them. Although, as I said, as of now I have not found any therapists who are interested.