My body will eventually crash right? Hopefully not before T today/tomorrow. I'm so nervous. I don't want a new pdoc. This is the clinic that says I have SzA not BPII+. I'm nervous how serious she's going to be. I hate seriousness. What if new pdoc is super serious? Can I refuse injections? What if s/he doesn't work with me? What if T says it's an emergency or wants to talk to H? I don't want to take the ambien. He's being an *** anyway. I'm not a threat to my self or other can they force treatment? I don't want to become depressed. He wont let me order more supplies until I'm finished with all the books I order but half of them are not even here yet! I'll be finished with the current project before the next set gets here. What if pdoc says I have SzA? I'm so worried they'll want me on more/different meds. What if he wont fill disolvable medications? What if he doesn't bargain or is heavy handed on meds? I'm so scared. I want to throw up and cancel.