Hi Dan, no one is telling the OP to divorce her husband. However the behaviors she has been describing are concerning. I know for myself that I had to learn a great deal about why my husband behaves in ways that have challenged me. It took a long time for me to finally learn how my husbands behaviors are due to how his brain is wired as he has adhd and dyslexia and possibly some ocd issues. My husbands adhd is very predominant as there is a spectrum to that challenge and to a trained professional they see it right away. My husband had no idea he has adhd. He did not feel HE had a problem and would even say I was the one with the problem.

Also people can have aspergers and not know it and yet can present with needing things a certain way as the OP describes.

Often when a person describes walking away from trying to address the problem felling like they failed to communicate often it’s a red flag that the other person has a hard time communicating normally. I know that feeling she describes all to well. Once I found out why I had some very important facts that helped me understand the real issue I was addressing.