I started reading a book called The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. It is very academic, but is teaching me some basic ideas that I didn't know I should have been aware of. On the one hand it teaches that the lower our self-esteem, the more we are prone to irrational and excessive needs from others. On the other hand as I read it, I can't help to keep thinking that I need to tell her again that what she is doing is bothering me.

Do I stand up for myself even if I may end up pushing her to actually cheating on me or leaving me?