I'll just try to keep this short and out of the check-in thread...
I'm having a difficult time with work nowadays. The problem is not that work is overly intellectually challenging or taxing; it's that work requires me to have a lot of focus, and well, I have immense difficulties focusing. When you compare my work ethic to the work ethics of my coworkers, you will see that I take twice as long as my coworkers to do similar tasks, and I'm confident that the extra time I take is due to my poor focus and concentration.
Let's just take a basic task like reading a web article. Everyone can relate to that, right? Just a blog article, news article, whatever. Well, I literally have to reread sentences two, three, or even four times before I can comprehend them. Now imagine how much more time I am spending on an article compared to my coworkers.
Normally I wouldn't give a s*** about that, but my boss isn't happy. He cancelled my promotion and gave me stern warnings about how slow I am with getting things done. I can't and won't reveal my diagnosis to him. I think that's just going to set me up for failure in a number of ways.
I will admit to everybody here that I do take frequent breaks -- like 15-30 minutes long every hour or two -- but I have to. I know I won't be effective AT ALL if I don't take breaks. My therapist recommended for me to do this, and it's been helping, but evidently not enough. I already put in extra hours and I'm STILL slow. I don't think I'll lose my job right away, but that possibility makes me nervous. I just want people to focus more on the quality of my work and not on the quantity. I know that quantity makes a difference sometimes, but it feels like no one cares about the quality of my work because I go so slow... So much for slow and steady wins the race...
|